Life is a balance

by belovan

I’ve been thinking about life.  Past, Present and Future.

When I was a child.  I was easily upset and emotional.  I had to learn to control my emotions instead of letting them control me.  (hard to do sometimes, even now as an adult)  I had things happen to me that were stressful as we all do.  But, I let those things control me far too long.  I let them keep me in a state of sadness and sometimes anger.    It took me a long time to understand that I allowed these feelings inside of me.  That only I decide when to be angry, hurt or afraid.  I can accept what is going on in my life and deal with it or I can reject it and fill myself with negative emotions.  I choose to live in the light now.

When I was a young girl.  I dreamed of love.  I dreamed of the man that would come and take care of me like my Daddy did.  He never came.  Maybe that is because every man I met I compared to my father.  I didn’t realize that a father’s love for his daughter is different then the love he has for a mate.  I didn’t realize that when you are in an adult relationship the dynamics are different.  It took me awhile to learn that I am the creator of my life.  No one else is responsible for me or my happiness.  I found the light and rejoice in it.

When I was a young woman.  I made many mistakes in search of perfection.  I never found it.  Not in myself nor in those around me.  I was frustrated that the world was not as I thought it should be…perfect.  The world just is…good, bad and indifferent at times.  It is the acceptance of all that is, as it is that brings the light.  It is the acceptance that allows us to see that we need to move beyond.

When I was a woman…I looked at my children and wanted it all for them.  I wanted them to have an easy life.  Always full of smiles.  But that is not what they or anyone else has because it is not realistic.  It is when we learn to embrace life, the losses and the gains that we truly appreciate the life we have.  We learn lessons from the hard times in life and grow in understanding.  Just as a rock becomes polished from constant wear.  We too become polished in life as we grow older and wiser from the challenges in life we have had to over come.

As a middle aged woman.  I’m learning to share what I’ve learned.  To believe in my knowledge and to help other’s attain all that they can be at the moment.  For we are all on the journey of life in different stages and different levels of understanding.  Patience is very important when you are dealing with people that just don’t understand.

I think the hardest thing for me to face is I have not lived my life according to my beliefs but allowed my husband to dictate who I would be instead.  I don’t do that anymore.  I still listen to him and remember to think of him too but I choose my beliefs.  Now, I can start to live as I should have all along.  As ME.